Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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