He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
