she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
