you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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