Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
