My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
