I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
