I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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