I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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