does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
