i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
