im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
