So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
