you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
