Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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