I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
