I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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