no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
