I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
