next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
