upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
