p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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