my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
