YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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