All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
