I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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