She said her name was "party"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
