help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
