somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
