my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize