Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i out mim tonsoeep
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