I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
