I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
