It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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