Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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