and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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