Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
