How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
