if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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