I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
only you would photoshop your dick
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize