i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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