My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we're making bets on your personal life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
