The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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