in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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