Apparently you make a good broom.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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