I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
