wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
