i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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