i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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