i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
