I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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