Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
