She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
