I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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