i permit you to call me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
