they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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