suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I donβt have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
