I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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