i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
