Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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