it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
