saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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