she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
